It’s well known at this point that the Straw Hat Pirates are probably the most dysfunctional crew in One Piece. That said, it’s a certain brand of dysfunction that manages to work for them, despite how seemingly idiotic some of them are. It’s fair to say the Straw Hat Pirates aren’t necessarily balanced when it comes to smarts, but who really is the most stupid pirate in the Straw Hats?
Fair warning this article contains spoilers for One Piece through Chapter 1092 of the manga. This is available to read on MangaPlus and Viz.
Ranking Criteria
This obviously isn’t going to go off some sort of academic rankings, because everyone knows only Robin, Nami, and maybe Franky would pass that. No, this ranking of pure unfiltered idiocy will be based on how outright stupid the Straw Hat in question acts throughout their time with the crew. There’s one hell of a spectrum between the ten current Straw Hat Pirates, so some will be rather close on the scale while others will be seas apart when it comes to how they approach life.
Mostly, this is going to be based on moments in the manga or anime that made fans say “Seriously? Is this person an idiot?”. Other than that, it can be based on how many times they’ve almost inadvertently killed themselves or others, or the sheer obliviousness they have to their own issues.
10. Robin
Poor Robin never had the time to goof off when she was a kid, so she’s deadly serious most of the time as an adult. Unlike a lot of the other Straw Hat Pirates, Robin is actually on the smarter side of the ship, partially thanks to her position as Archeologist, and partially because she’s just not as ridiculous as the others. Her contributions to the humor on board Thousand Sunny are mostly thanks to her overly grim observations about situations, often going straight to death or destruction as the likely cause of things. Can’t really blame her for having a dark sense of humor after all of her trauma.
Robin still has little moments where she indulges the goofy silliness of the other Straw Hats though. When she first joins the crew after Alabasta, Usopp is skeptical of her until she grows hands-on Luffy’s head, making fake antlers. It’s one of the funniest moments aboard the Going Merry, and endears her to Usopp immediately.
9. Nami
There’s no doubt that among the East Blue Straw Hats, Nami is the smartest. She’s often the one that keeps everyone else out of trouble. It’s exhausting keeping Luffy from doing anything he’s not supposed to or making sure Zoro stays put. Hell, without Nami it’s likely that Luffy and the others would have died many times over. Even before even reaching the Grand Line, as she’s responsible for almost every smart decision they make until Vivi joins. Good thing Vivi is with them after Little Garden too. The boys definitely wouldn’t have known what to do when Nami was sick.
Still, Nami does have the vices that get the best of her and take precedence over anything considered smart. It’s mostly related to Berry. If there’s any kind of financial incentive, any common sense Nami has goes out the window. Of course, that’s only when she first finds out what the job and money are. Nami will quickly figure out a way to make things work in her favor while keeping the money. Better, she’ll take along even more if she can get it.
8. Jimbei
Okay, Jimbei hasn’t had a whole lot of time with the Straw Hat Pirates. He only officially joined at Whole Cake Island. Even then, he doesn’t have time with the full Straw Hat crew until after Wano. It’s still interesting seeing him mold into the crew. Thankfully he’s been around for a longer time, and is a much more level-headed character. Jimbei is relatively no-nonsense, and serious about almost every issue that comes up. He’ll have a laugh about things, but he’s not one to goof around.
He’s shown a willingness to indulge in the Straw Hat tomfoolery in his short time on the Thousand Sunny. Jimbei seems to fit right in with Robin, Brook, and Franky who like to watch and indulge in the antics. While occasionally taking part, he’s certainly not stupid by any Straw Hat standards.
7. Sanji
Around Sanji is where the shift in the Straw Hats collective intelligence begins to become apparent. Sanji is smart when it comes to strategizing and fighting, and cooking he has down to an absolute science that he’s great at. Unfortunately, he has one glaring weakness that turns him into a blathering idiot- women. The most deathly serious cook on the Grand Line, a Wing of the Pirate King, and he will absolutely lose any sense he has when any attractive woman (or anything remotely female) passes by.
Normally that wouldn’t just make a character some sort of idiot though, but Sanji isn’t any normal character. His weakness for women is so bad to the point he almost bleeds out at Fishman Island upon seeing mermaids. He can’t even fight back against Kalifa in Enies Lobby because he’s more distracted by the fact that she’s naked in the bath. Black Leg Sanji, feared across the Grand Line, is weak to the one true weapon common in all nations, boobs.
6. Franky
Alright, Franky is a genius when it comes to scientific and robotic engineering. The man made himself into a cyborg after being hit by the Sea Train, so it’s likely he has some damn good medical knowledge as well. That said, he’s really just kind of gullible and will absolutely go out of his way for some of the stupidest bits in the series. Right from the start when he unveils the radical Franky Centaur, fans of the series knew he probably wasn’t the brightest bulb.
Though he would shine bright thanks to his various lasers, including the Franky Nipple Cannons. Yeah, nobody who has all their wits about them would make that as a serious weapon. Franky may not be the stupidest Straw Hat, but he’s certainly not the one who’s going to see them through a difficult problem involving critical thinking. He’s pretty super when it comes to building cool shit though.
5. Brook
Age doesn’t always equate to wisdom, especially when half that age has been as a skeleton alone on a ship. Brook is eccentric for sure, but he’s smart about quite a few things when it comes to seafaring. He even has a good knowledge of historical events across the Grand Line, which is good since he’s almost a century old. That said, Brook has some moments that really make people question if he lost his smarts along with his physical brain.
Specifically the moment in Sabaody Archipelago when the Straw Hats are fighting off Duval’s Flying Fish Riders. Luffy is knocked into the water, and as a Devil Fruit user is unable to swim. So Chopper jumps in after Luffy to save him, forgetting he’s also a Devil Fruit user. This is bad enough but then Brook jumps in after them despite his own Devil Fruit weakness. It just creates an entire mess for the others to deal with on top of Duval’s shenanigans, and really brings up questions about Brook’s thought process.
4. Zoro
Okay, Zoro isn’t so much stupid as he is just stubborn. He would rather slice a problem to ribbons than actually think it through, but when he does actually bother, he’s relatively smart. The thing is, he doesn’t bother to try that very often, and is far too angry to give it a chance at most points. Zoro isn’t great at talking about things either, and that often leads to more problems than it solves. The poor guy can’t even find his way down an escalator, much less around the various islands the Straw Hats visit.
It’s usually this lack of direction that gets Zoro in trouble throughout his travels. He’s lost in Wano when Luffy finds him, and being chased by Hawkins no less. When the Straw Hats return to Sabaody, the dumbass even takes a nap on some random boat he finds. Then the boat goes underwater to make the journey to Fishman Island, so he slices it apart to get out instead of just.. saying something. Not their fault Zoro fell asleep on their boat, but they don’t have to worry about him doing it again. They’re also probably all dead, so there’s that.
3. Usopp
The bad thing here is that Usopp could potentially be one of the smartest Straw Hat Pirates. That is, if he wasn’t so full of his own crap. The Sniper King tells so many tall tales he often forgets the truth. He talks himself far too deep into situations that he can’t talk his way back from. Somehow his lies always end up leading him to fulfilling his insane stories though. Now, his status of God Usopp has really taken off in the New World.
Usopp’s big problem is that even though he himself is a king of lying to people, he’s also very gullible. Maybe not so much gullible as untrusting, but still, it makes him susceptible to falling for some really stupid plans. He’s also not set in anything he says, able to be swayed by the slightest argument, and often lying to get out of visiting islands or other areas. There’s a reason he’s part of the Idiot Trio, and a really good reason that the trio is in the top three of this ranking.
2. Chopper
Tony Tony Chopper is the most precious and protected member of the Straw Hat Pirates, coddled by Nami and Robin. He’s also a world-class doctor capable of making complicated vaccines on the fly during battle and neutralizing poisons. All of this is completely thrown off by one thing. Chopper is the most gullible of the Straw Hat Pirates, if not the entire earth. Does he even realize that Usopp is Sniper King yet?
Seriously, Chopper will fall for absolutely anything. Whether it be a foe saying they’re actually an ally or just another of Usopp’s tall tales. He believes every single lie Usopp says, hook, line, and sinker, buying the various exploits of the Great Captain Usopp. Chopper is really a smart kid, he’s just too easily fooled by those he trusts or doesn’t know very well.
1. Luffy
Then we get to the Captain of the Straw Hats, not just in rank but stupidity. Luffy is an idiot in every sense of the word. Whether it be from his attempts at washing dishes to his ideas for fishing at the bottom of the sea. It’s arguable that Luffy only stayed alive in Goa because he was made of rubber and just stupidly lucky. Otherwise, it’s a miracle he survived until meeting his crew. Especially because they’ve been keeping him from accidentally killing himself ever since.
Luffy ate the poison skin off a fish that almost killed him. He’s cured, then almost immediately tried to eat it again after finally recovering. His preferred way of fast travel is slingshotting himself through the air. It can’t be stressed enough that he’s unable to swim. Yet, he jumps into the water at every chance he gets to chase after some Neptunian or various sea monsters. Hell, he even decides to test the Sky Island oceans and jumps right in, finding out quickly. Look, he may be the captain, but Luffy is the stupidest, most idiotic Straw Hat of the crew.
This list could very well change in the future assuming the final tenth crew member ever gets added to the crew. There’s no telling who it could be though, and if rumors that point to Vivi are true, the Straw Hats are going to gain some smarts. Without a doubt though, Luffy is the King of Pirates and holds the title of the most Stupid Straw Hat Pirate compared to the rest of the crew. We all love him for it, though.
